In these troubled economic times, who wouldn’t like to come up with a great idea which could cure a lot of the nation’s ills, especially those of our hard-pressed farmers?
I know I would.
In fact, I think I have.
In Malaysia, people looking for a high who are facing a supply shortage of heroin and cannabis have taken to sniffing fresh cow dung.
“They will wait for the fresh cow dung and quickly put a coconut shell over it, and then sniff the gas through the hole on top of the shell,” the country’s deputy home minister told a conference on drug abuse recently in Kuala Lumpur.
“You may find the cow dung smelly and awful but for them it is heaven,” he said.
Now, to us as Canadians, spending our time hanging around barnyards, waiting for cattle to lay their cowpies on the ground so that we can pounce on them with coconut shells has never yet occurred to us as a great way to have fun. But, hey. Each to his own. It isn’t our place to judge.
In some countries they eat cats and dogs for supper and think they’re great. We dress them up in ribbons and call them Miffy and Muffy and Sam.
In fact, maybe we’re missing the boat altogether on this one. How many of us, who reject outright the idea of sniffing cow dung for pleasure, have ever actually spent much time in the presence of the product? (Actually, as a boy on the farm, I did spend many hours around the stuff and now that I look back, I realize how much I enjoyed being in the barn.)
Perhaps what we need to do in this country is develop a market for our cow dung and then fill it. We have several advantages. Let’s review them.
First of all, dung is a legal substance, and therefore, the risk of running afoul of the law are minimal. Secondly, we have no shortage of cow dung in this land. (Not to mention other dung varieties including pig, sheep and chicken for which markets might also be found some day.) Thirdly, Canadians have been looking for a replacement for tobacco ever since its harmful effects were made known. And most importantly, we have years of experience at marketing everything in Canada from soap to sandwich wrap. I can hear the slogans now:
“Dung! Just Do It!”
“Cow dung! Because you’re worth it.”
We could package he product, complete with plastic coconut shell replicas, and give it names like Home on the Range, Meadowland and Pastures Plus.
If we don’t make our move soon, I’m afraid we risk being left behind by the Malaysians. And with our leaders telling us about economic globalization and the need to be competitive, can we afford to be caught bringing up the rear on this one?
Wouldn’t a sniff or two of Cowadungda Dude go great right now?
©1992 Jim Hagarty
