Once again, You Asked Us has compiled a short list of answers to often-asked questions regarding another complicated issue.
This time, we tackle Canada’s proposed new federal Goods and Services Tax, scheduled to go into effect next year. The following information will help you understand the tax, in all its complexity.
Question: Is their any escape from the tax?
Answer: Yes, but the only sensible way out will be to not spend any money. The good news is, you will be able to do this in about two years’ time because by then, you won’t have any money left to spend. For those who can’t wait that long, there is another way out but keep in mind funerals will also be taxed.
Question: Will the nine per cent tax rate ever be lowered?
Answer: Please. Serious questions only.
Question: What will the money raised by the new tax be used for?
Answer: It will be used for the salaries and offices of the extra people hired by the government to collect the tax and for literature telling us what a great new thing the tax is. Most of the rest of the money will be used to pay for studies on how the tax is working out. Copies of the study results showing how the tax is working out just fine will be available for sale, but will be taxed. Any funds still leftover will be given to lobby groups to protest the tax on Parliament Hill.
Question: Is it true some people will receive rebates to help cushion the effect of the tax?
Answer: Yes, but the $100 Goods and Services Tax rebate won’t arrive until about 10 months after a successful application is made. Applicants will be required to take blood and lie-detector tests, fill out two dozen, 20-page forms, beg like a dog, humiliate themselves in front at least 10 civil servants and hand over their first-born child. The rebate will then be taxed when the applicant rushes out to spend it on Goods and Services.
Question: Is it true cars will be cheaper under the new tax system?
Answer: Yes it is true. Cars on average will cost about $2.49 less to buy. And about $502.49 more to drive.
Question: What will the government committee now studying the tax be likely to conclude about it?
Answer: In brief, the committee report will say: The committee finds that the new tax is indeed, a new tax and that it will replace the old tax and that this will affect everybody and that some people won’t like it and others will and what the heck we may as well go along with it anyway because we already told everybody we would.
Question: Will rich people be adversely affected by the new tax?
Answer: One more joke question out of you and I’m walking out of this column.
Question: Could the new tax lead to a return to the old barter system as people try to avoid paying taxes by taking payment for goods and services in other goods and services?
Answer: If you’ll come over to my house and paint my front porch for me, I won’t charge you for the answer to this question.
Question: If Canadians don’t like the tax, can’t we change things through the ballot box at the next election?
Answer: Okay, that does it. I warned you about silly questions. Sorry, but you’ll just have to figure out this tax thing for yourself if that’s the way you’re going to be.
©1989 Jim Hagarty
