I wish I was in Dixie. Away, Away. Seriously.
I am tired of Ontario, Canada, and all of its rules. I want to be a citizen of the State of Georgia where yesterday, lawmakers passed a law which would allow a fine young man like myself to carry a gun into bars and churches.
I cannot tell you the number of times over the years when a gun was just the thing I needed in a bar. It would have settled so many serious disputes, such as whether the greatest hockey player in history was Gordie Howe or Wayne Gretzky (it was Gordie Howe) and whether John Deere tractors are better than any other tractor on the market (they are) as well as the age-old battle between Chevy and Ford.
A gun would have also helped in the many situations where a tablemate and I were trying to decide who had the better claim to the pretty young woman at the bar (I always did).
In fact, I provide as evidence the true story of the country music star in the 1940s who was sitting in a bar with another country music star and that star’s girlfriend. Star Number One asked Star Number Two to meet him in the hallway where he fished a gun out of his boot, pointed it at him and said, “She’s mine from now on.”
And guess what? She was.
But, while handy, a gun in a bar would not be my first use of the new law passed in one of the houses of government on Tuesday in Georgia. Not by a long shot.
Where I would use it most and would need it the most is in church. Because in church I am surrounded by self-admitted sinners of every description.
I am getting tired of being defenceless in the face of the violence that could be unleashed at any moment by one or more of the thieves, adulterers, liars and other such ne’er-do-wells in the pews around me.
Also, how often have I been offended by the message being preached by the misguided minister of God at the lectern and would love to be able to stand up, draw my weapon and order him to change his tune, especially when some of these Ten Commandments are cramping my style, as they usually are.
Also, the Georgia law would let me carry my gun into my school if I was a teacher and I used to be one. Oh how my discipline record would have been improved if I had been packing heat. I thinking cheating on exams would have been greatly reduced.
As well, in Georgia, I could carry my gun into government buildings.
“Really?” I would say to the clerk, gun drawn. “You want me to pay how much to license my cat?”
Sadly, however, I would still be prohibited from taking my gun into courthouses and prisons and I really don’t know why. Why should the prisoners on Death Row not be able to be armed? Why shouldn’t I be able to argue my cases in front of a judge based on more than just evidence and logic?
So, while enlightened, the Georgia law will leave some areas still in the dark.
However, the best thing about all these gun laws is that they do not apply to gun shows and National Rifle Association conventions where guns are strictly prohibited as well they should be.
Come on.
Let’s not give up on common sense people!
©2014 Jim Hagarty
